DISQUS

Robyn M · 2 months ago

That made me pretty sad... I'm not sure what you could have done in that situation, besides shake your head and keep walking. :(

blackwomanthinks · 2 months ago

robyn,
I think I did the right thing, on reflection. It is sad, isn't it?
Thanks for commenting.

1skepticalbrother · 2 months ago

Zee, the only thing that comes to my mind would be to write a letter to the guardians of "little miss sunshine." If you would have rung the door bell you might have taken the event to the next level. The adult might have been an advanced version of little missy. In writing a short letter, you would stay partially anonymous and afford the adult the opportunity not to lose face in trying to explain or defend the actions of her/his offspring in front of you. If they have any civility or integrity they might appreciate the heads-up and take the time to educate their rude child.

That's off the top of my head Zee, if I come up with anything else I'll post it.

Peace My Sister

blackwomanthinks · 2 months ago

1sb,
Thank you for this. I will ponder some more on the letter writing suggestion.

I am looking forward to reading your book when it is published and will even promise to publicise it on this blog, if you so wish.
Thanks again.

uglyblackjohn · 2 months ago

It's happened to me but not often.
I was on a swim team and would often win.
Once, we (a group of white kids and I) walked in on a child being berated for "letting a Nigger beat him" by his mother.
They didn't see us but the other kids were looking to see how I would respond.
After that day, I would take great joy in speaking to his mother after I'd beaten him and explain that he just needed to work harder.
Really, I knew that just having to pretend to be gracious in front of all the other parents was killing her.
After the other parents joined in in telling her how much better I was than her son (their children had retold the story) - she had her children quit the team.

It was a long sweet victory.

Pankaj Mohan · 2 months ago

Liked this one by john. Forcing offenders to sink in their own pool of shame is the best remedy, but how often does one get to have the same strength, skills and opportunity john had had.

Andrea Semler · 2 months ago

Honestly, you can't "win" with a child. But she will remember this in the future, of how she got caught, and it will make her think twice before saying such things again. Will it change her mind about her own superiority? Probably not., but least she'll understand not to expect anyone to take abuse lying down.

blackwomanthinks · 2 months ago

andrea,
it's a hard one, isn't it? Her perceived 'superiority' goes back to her upbringing and so I don't blame her, but hopefully she will think about it for the future. Thanks.

chanson · 2 months ago

I think that was an excellent and age-appropriate response. It sounds very much like she was just (being a 7 or 8 year old) reciting what she'd been taught, without thinking. And you did nothing more than encourage her to think about what she'd said.

So much enlightenment can be inspired by the simplest of catalysts, to encourage us to think a little about our assumptions!

blackwomanthinks · 2 months ago

chanson,
Thanks for your comment. My dilemma felt tough at the time as I didn't want to over-react and make a situation worse or tramatise the child by being hysterical - that just wouldn't do. Bottom line: it isn't her fault.

chanson · 2 months ago

Re: "I didn't want to over-react and make a situation worse or tramatise the child by being hysterical"

Exactly. Also, I think that if you'd put her on the defensive, she'd be more likely to rationalize and justify to herself that what she'd said was right.

The reason I'm commenting is because the scene reminds me of times when I was a kid, and a moment of simple and firm disagreement encouraged me to think. A few times as a kid, I recited something my parents had said, and encountered a response of "not everyone believes that" which led me to ask myself: "Do I really believe that?" And, after thinking about it, to answer myself: "no, I don't."

In your situation, as soon as the girl had to take responsibility for what she'd said, she regretted it and wanted to pretend it hadn't happened. That's what makes me think that she hadn't thought before speaking, but did (and will) think after.

I'm not trying to downplay the significance what this girl's parents and society have done. I just mean that I think you've made the best of an ugly situation, and have potentially expanded a kid's horizons.

The New Black Woman · 2 months ago

I think you did the right thing. You acknowledged her actions. While she denied it, she'll probably always remember it.

That was a sobering story, I want to add. It's sad on the one hand because that little girl's mind has obviously been poisoned. On the other hand, it shows we have a long way to go in order for America to be a "post-racial nation."

blackwomanthinks · 2 months ago

new black woman,
thank you for responding but this happened in London, England.

askcherlock · 2 months ago

It is sad, indeed, and I don't know what else you could have done. Wouldn't you love to get the child's parents and force them into a "time-out" for bad parenting?

The New Black Woman · 2 months ago

Oops. For some reason, I thought you were in the U.S.

blackwomanthinks · 2 months ago

newblackwoman,
No problem! I travel around a lot but at the moment I am in the UK.
Having come back it was a in-your-face reminder that racism and ignorance is just as prevalent here as everywhere else.
Thanks for responding and revisiting!

isabella mori · 2 months ago

can you do anything but follow your gut in such situations? of course, all kinds of possibilities occur to me but they're all theoretical.

when guys would talk or look at me in a way that wasn't respectful (doesn't happen that much anymore, partly because i'm getting older and older :) i'd stare at them and pointedly look them up and down. it sounds like that would be the wrong thing to do but i'm feeling that the intent you displayed is similar. it's something like "i know what you're doing and we both know it ain't right".

how does one do that with compassion? because i got the sense that that's what you wanted to do: show compassion to a child that has been indoctrinated.

reminds me of this story http://www.nationalpost.com/m/story.html?id=162...

Curious Black Cat · 2 months ago

Wow. That's pretty sad. I would have just kept walking. I am also shocked by the fact that this happened in London. It's not the most uncommon thing to see someone black in London so I'm really surprised. Saddens me to my core...racism is not to be taken lightly and what reflection is this on her parents and on the state of the generations to come. Sad...

Temy · 2 months ago

Zee, this was a very interesting blog and topic. May I speak with you privately?

No_Insanity · 2 months ago

Bravo! You took the time to teach us all an important lesson -- the little girl, the shadowy adult, yourself, and your readers. Maybe not everyone understands the lesson, but it's a step towards learning what we need to learn.

Kathy · 2 months ago

You handled it well (and way better than I probably would have). In your shoes, my temptation would have been to scream at the child. Isn't that terrible? But we have to be the adults in that situation. Barring a screaming match, I likely would have just briskly walked away and felt sorry for the young girl. She's poisoned all right. Only her parents can change that, if ever, and it's doubtful they will.

barbarac66 · 2 months ago

My friend Temy posted a link to your blog. I have to admit to hardly ever following links, but I'm glad I followed this one.

I was about 10 when new neighbors moved in across the street. They had a little boy that I played with occasionally. One day when we were arguing he called me a name. I forget today what that name was, but I will never forget what I called him.

The best thing that ever happened was the moment his aunt came over and asked my mother if she could talk to me. She didn't tell my mom what I had said, but she did take the time to tell me what it meant to her and her family.

I don't know that I actually knew the definition or meaning of the word, just that it was an insulting word intended to hurt. After that talk I can't remember ever having used that word again except to the extent of telling others what it leaves behind.

I am ever appreciative of the moment that I had that talk. I am ever appreciative of the fact that my children understand how words can be used to demean others. And I will never forget the lessons I learned that day from a family that I remained very close to for many years growing up.

Rob · 2 months ago

When I was about the same age (3rd grade) I called a classmate a nigger. I remember it clearly, in gym class, to a person who later became a good friend, and I remember his reaction, and I regret it to this day. I don't know where I heard the word and I didn't really know what it meant or have any understanding of its connotations. In 35 years i've never heard either of my parents utter a racist or hateful epithet of any kind, so I would caution everyone who is jumping to conclusions that the parents are at fault here. I think the word is treated as taboo, and completely avoided by parents, and as a result the kids hear the word on the street or in a rap song or on comedy central. How would any kid know they're not supposed to use this particular word, even though it's more ingrained in pop culture today than ever before? It makes no sense, even I don't fully understand all the rules of the word "nigger", who can use it when and in what situations.

bocrie · 2 months ago

My first thought in reading this post, is where in the world do you live? I can't believe a child just out of the blue yells derogatory names. That is just horrible. I think you did the right thing, to keep pursuing it, and try to talk to the idiot parents would have gotten you nowhere, you cant reason with morons. It would have been to much stress. I grew up in rural south us, and would never have used that word. Although I have been called nappy headed, trash, honky, other stuff. Now come to find out nappy isn't for white girls?, not where I grew up, that means your hair is nasty and youre ugly. My best friend in grade school was African American, and in the 6th grade, when we moved to middle school, she would not hang out with me anymore. I found her sitting at the lunch tables with many other black girls, and asked why we hadn't talked, if I could sit there, if she would sit with me. She blew me off, and broke my little heart, and never spoke with me again. She said she had to stay with her own kind. Same thing happened with a Philippine woman a few years ago. I again was devastated. Just saying these thoughts because racism goes every which way. And it breaks our hearts that people see color, but its an unfortunate reality that we have to try and help overcome.

Writing Nag · 2 months ago

I think you did the right thing, if you ignored it she might feel brave enough to say it to another. I also find it sad that her parents have obviously filled her head with hate.

philippeorlando · 2 months ago

No, unfortunately there's nothing to do. There will always be people like that around. Well, yes, there is something to do, but only if you have access to the child on a regular basis. Then and only then can you work to make a difference. As a passer by? In five minutes? Nothing to do. Reaching the parents could only bring violence or some other negative behavior. Maybe the kid picked it up at school.

Hicham Maged · 2 months ago

Zee, It is sad how people use to percive others via their colour, race and faith over this planet. I am aware that many people are just fanatic because they are simply narrow minded.